You know, for those who point fingers, are the ones who don't relate to the matter. Either that, or you're just trying to shift the blame so that you can be unrelated to the fault. Seriously, with so many who just point and gossip and do nothing, do you still wonder why the government turn(ed) a deaf ear to the citizens?
Suddenly, my hand itches to write a story but I don't have time now. Guess I'll be happy with the stories running about in my head then.
Enough slacking. Time to do some work =)
Won't you promise me that you're never forget
To keep dancing wherever we go next
Strive on to help others, not harm others.
I've never thought of myself as introvert till I did the personality test. Maybe I've just adapted to socialising, driven by my innate fear of being forgotten or left behind. I'm not very comfortable with widening my social circle due to the need to put in extra effort to build up the friendship and perhaps the fear of being abandoned eventually. Despite knowing that some friendships just fade over time. Conflicts and conflicts. Nah, i'm fine. Probably just pms. Shall run tomorrow morning and pump up my endorphin.
Early night tonight then.
I think I've already self-graduated after the submission of report so I wasn't like super happy that it's all over and I've unofficially graduated.
I'll be resting tonight. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have the time to start on reading papers for my interviews =)
Next up, TAIWAN TRIP! WOOHOO!
I think I may be falling sick a little. Kept sneezing. Either that or someone's gossiping bitching about me. And the obvious would the former, for various reasons =P
Anyway, baking brownies on Thursday for my supervisor! Shall give some to SP since he praised my brownies wholeheartedly despite being a glutton and have the experience of eating various types of food. That also means, I have to give some to his supervisor -_-" I'll see if I have the time to spare to bake another batch for myself. Wanna test out a modified recipe in my mind. If I have the time and if it taste nice, the bimbos, yes you girls, will get to eat it too =)
Ok, shower and sleep. Tired after a day of stressing out on heels.
Last hurdle tomorrow and I can start preparing for my taiwan trip including my interviews. And my Japanese test.
I get bothered when I receive hot-cold treatment from others cause I don't wanna read into them. I'd rather they be consistently hot or cold instead of consistently hot and cold =/ I mean, if I'm bothering you, then I'll leave you alone and accept it. Don't wanna get involved in mind games. I'd rather spend my limited brain cells on other stuff.
May all be well and happy.
May all abide in peace.
Abiding in peace,
may all attain tranquility.
Attaining tranquility,
may all attain wisdom.
Attaining wisdom,
may all attain Final Liberation.
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu!
Other than today is Vesak Day, today is also the day that dear Ella is getting married. It's a group that appeared when I was 11 and I kinda grew up with it. Really love the group for their singing and bubbly/crazy characters. I love how they are real even in front of the cameras. Makes me feel old to see Selina and now, Ella getting married. Hopefully Hebe will find her significant one and get married too! I believe Ella will be a very blissful woman =) Can see that her other half dotes on her. After her wedding, I shall look forward to their new CD this year! YEAH! ♥
Happy Vesak Day again! And Happy holidays to those who aren't Buddhist! =D
It takes a lot to be strong. I believe one of it is to be able to see and accept things as they are. Only then can you find solutions and move on from them. Sometimes, the most extreme situations act as catalyst too.
My fourth year's coming to an end already. By next Wednesday, I would have unofficially graduated if nothing goes wrong. *crosses fingers*
Shall head to bed and drag myself up to run. Need the adrenaline rush to prepare for my presentation to supervisor tomorrow.
May all be well and happy! =)
I think I'll print some stuff on my printer tml to test print. If all fails, I'll go back imcb to print on monday.
Ok, no time to panic. Back to writing my report.
I gave a big sigh yesterday when my sister mentioned how fast it is that I'm gonna graduate. The reason I sighed was simply cause I still have no idea if I'm gonna be able to go Taiwan. Well, it helps to know that I'm the one in charge of my life lah. At least I know I can put my utmost effort and show them how much I wanna join their team.
Okay, I shall slack a bit more before starting on my Japanese. Falling behind my schedule cause I was rushing my report D:
I hope I score well for this project. Seriously put in effort for it. I mean, I even went back today to get one more set of data so that I have more things to write since we excluded some weird and unexplainable ones. Even my colleague was saying I too hardworking to be back to do one more set of results. I rushed the results, discussion and conclusion out today so that my supervisor can go through them tml and dun need to work OT for me over the weekend =)
I'm seriously glad that FYP is coming to an end. Next week, I'll head over again to discuss what to print on my poster.
I'll be bringing my poster along to Taiwan, I think. That way I dun need to prepare slides, heh. If I really get the job that I want, I seriously owe my supervisor a big favour. So, if I really get it, obviously I'll be more than happy to bring him around if he comes to visit. He was mentioning today that if I get the job, let him know. He doesn't mind sleeping on the floor 'cause I mentioned I'll only rent a single room. Then he was saying I can bring him (and probably his wife) around. Sure (if I get the job)! Honestly, whenever it comes to my dream, I do things rather risky =/ I dun have a backup plan this time. I din apply for more sg jobs and neither did I apply for more tw jobs =/ So, 2 interviews. Either make it or break it D: The reason I din apply for more tw jobs is that essentially, we're used to the English medium so I need to find those job applications whereby they post in English. Not many =/ I'm excited but at the same time, I'm worried. Been having insomnia. Or maybe my body is just used to a certain time to sleep.
Anyway, sleeping time. Can sleep in tml since I have to wait for my supervisor to go thru my report. Yeah!
Anyway, back to report ZzZz
Ok, off to sleep after medication. Temp dropped but still fever. Nitez!
Yet this time, I'm left with no choice but to trouble others. Disrupting our grad trip schedule, getting my supervisor to help me write and send referral letter, dropping this bomb-like dream to my family and friends and eventually, if I do get the job, to once again, shock them with the fact that I'm flying away for who-knows-how-long.
Quoting from the book The Alchemist,
"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
I have also told myself, "Convey what you have been thinking truthfully. Then, it'll surely reach your audiences."
將心比心。
This is my only strategy in helping me to get to Taiwan.
Other than going to EXPG, I also want to see the world, to get out of my comfort zone and live in a different environment.
Let's see where this will take me yah?
I know I may not succeed even if I go to EXPG but,
Aim for the sky. For if you fall, you'll fall among the stars.
I can only have faith in myself that I won't settle for less, that eventually, I'll be doing what I love, i.e. performing in some ways or another.
The truth that I'm closer to realising my dream is actually scary because I've always been admiring it from far and people says imagination and reality aren't the same.
But at the same time,
it's actually starting to get me excited too.
This is the path to my dream, the path that just may realise my dream.
Isn't that, another dream again?
A dream that this path will help me realise my dream.
Okay, getting all worked up is not good for a body with fever. Need to get my stuff done aka fyp, study for Japanese and replying email.
Hopefully, I'll have time to re-read The Alchemist ♥
I have so much to do from now till May D: Lots to research, read up and remember/memorise. Not to mention that I'm still writing my FYP, which is showing weird results *faints*
Shall I send my 4th application? I'm so gonna get killed for disrupting our grad trip. SHIT.
Something that clicked in me from Bleach:
When you're dodging, you're "afraid of getting hit."
When you're attacking, you're "afraid of hitting me."
When you're protecting someone, you're "afraid of them dying."
Your sword is filled with fear!
It's pathetic!
You can't give into fear in a fight!
It won't help you at all.
When you're dodgin, think "I won't let you hit me!"
When you're protecting someone, think "I won't let you die!"
When you're attacking, think "I'm going to cut you!"
I won't let my dream go to waste.
I won't let my life be ruled by others.
I won't allow myself to regret 50 years down the road.
I will chase after my dream.
Anyway, sleep. Sick. From blocked nose to running tap x_x
Wish me luck!
In any case, I'm glad the violent vibrating towards the end was to a better ending, a stop and the door opened! Whew!
I'm alive!! =D
A reminder to myself.
On a happier note,
I think Jieyan's crazy enough to do such things XD Then again, he's always this crazy lah =) And most of our clique people are this crazy too. Just like how I wanna execute my crazy idea plan too. Many, many things can go wrong even before I step on that land but... I've been a good girl so I hope =P HAHA. No lah but... When there's a will, there's a way. There are many possibilities and many things can happen when you have the sincerity and determination.
I'm walking this path never walked before, so I've gotta set the rules down myself. I'll pave my way to my dream and who knows? I may have in turn paved the way to someone else's dream.
I can't wait for the day I need not head to lab then I can SLEEP IN. Oh my goodness. Super tired.
Especially drained these days.
Last week syndrome.
Thank you. Your belief has once again given me hope.
成熟するし、落ち着くし、あまり怒らないし、私が人生のことを教えてくれる人が私のタイプです。
逆に、大人気ないし、わがままだし、周りのこととか人々を大切しない人が絶対嫌なんです。
以上です。
I'm okay if we need to rush my project but i'm not okay with the fact that I was mostly doing everything but my project and ended up, I got screwed. I was so angry I was playing songs in my head to cool myself down.
If I wanna view this as a good thing instead of something bad, it would be that i'm super confirmed i'm not gonna work in this field. I don't have that much interest that I would feel coming back on the weekend is worthwhile. Nope, never. I so need to channel away my negative emotions again. Can't wait for dance class. Maybe I wun go on weekend and tell him I wanna write my report instead since I need to draft how i'm gonna need to include other projects................
Anyway, I'm glad I ran. I mean, I'll be equally glad to get more rest too but... It helped to channel some of my anxiety and energy away. Of course, listening to EXILE songs while running helped too since the songs are very encouraging for my situation. Listening to them as I walked to the station made me wanna dance too =x Can't wait for Saturday ^^
Anyway, don't know is it the clothes I wear or really so, my aunt was complimenting my figure. Makes me even more glad I woke up to run XD
The last part of the documentary showed him getting an analgesia injection before the concert cause he was having inflammation. I believe he's not the only one that goes to such extreme in order to perform. As I watched it, I asked myself if I would do the same... I think I would. Suppress it then think later. To be honest, for dance, I don't know if I would do the same. It's been so long since I've come into contact with dance again. 11 years of absence because I just couldn't tear myself away from theatre.
However... I really enjoyed today's dance class. I had the finally kind of feeling, that I can properly dance instead of just bouncing to songs. On the other hand, I think I was quite horrible at the beginning but towards the end, I think I was quite ok. Somehow, I think hearing the song on Youtube sounds different, hmmm. Also, it's kind of scary that after resting for some time at home, I suddenly find the dance steps so unfamiliar O_O I think without the environment, my confidence went down and I get stuck when I try it at home. I'm looking forward to the next sat's dance class ^^ Hopefully, a year of dance class will prime me enough...
I have until 5th to consider and I've already marked it down on my calendar to remind myself. I've downloaded an app on my phone to help me learn anytime. I'll try translating lyrics and check with my sensei too. I may just be able to make it in July since work may just make studying Japanese a lot more interesting, hee. Let's see how it goes =)
BTW, I've already changed my phone's language to Japanese some time ago to facilitate my learning. Then again, I can guess the Kanjis -_- Need to search them up for the proper meaning and pronunciation.
Translation: As I listen to music everyday, I remind myself not to be contented with the current situation. I can achieve more. I can't give up. I can't. Because it's no longer just a dream. It can become reality. I definitely have to give it a try.
いつか約束したこの夢を 誇れる時代が来るように
生み出す 熱いこの想い
Someday, the time will come when I'll be proud of this dream that I promised myself.
This burning thought arose in me.
きっと誰かに勝つことよりも夢と向き合えることが
本当の強さに繋がる Going on !!
Undoubtedly, more than just winning somebody, to be able to face one another with our dream equates our true strength. Going on!!
I'm gonna search up over these few days and think through thoroughly before emailing and dropping the bomb if I'm really serious.
If my Japanese is strong enough, I may want to head there too. However, Yen is still ridiculously expensive.
OMG. I'm excited! Before all these, need to settle my basic theory test on Friday heh.
I think when I ran, I felt liberated like I'm doing something out of my own will. Just like this time, to be recognised for being good at something makes me wanna put in even more effort too. And anyway, my clothes aren't fitting me liao so all the more I should slim down. Don't wanna change wardrobe!
Anyway, I still have 2h till 5 before I leave to get dinner. If I weren't eating by myself today, would have left ZzZz No mood to write paper! Though I'll definitely get out to write it tomorrow.
Honestly, I've more or less reached my limit. I think having to write my thesis on weekend pushed me to it too... Totally went like もういやだ！！ just now, which means I have had enough!!. And I'm so regretting now that I didn't go my favourite Starbucks ytd or today to recharge. I did recharge at Buddhist Library today but I wanted to go my favourite Starbucks to do my introduction. Blame on my own sloth. Tsk.
Ok, back to flipping through my printed papers and thinking how to string everything together properly.
Let's see where this will take me!
I guess I've double, if not, triple confirmed the type that will catch my attention. My husband must be of someone I look up to and able to teach me things I do not understand or know material. But well, not exactly looking either cause I think such things are hard to come by. At least now I know I won't settle for any less.
I wonder if I'll like the combination of the female lead and Mukai Osamu whom she marry for political reasons, after the current husband dies. His character is rather irritating though I enjoy the bickering between the two of them.
On a sided note, I need to stop chasing the drama. Need sleep and it's also a freaking long one.
I should learn from Tricia, to see all these uncertainties as something exciting. Hahaha!
Ok, time to sleep. Nitez! =)
Oh and I just realised... Tomorrow is Monday again. T_T
Thanks much, Trix! Enjoyed talking to you too =D
Also, I seriously don't see what is wrong with leaving early when I don't have things to do for that day and I have classes after that. It's not like I'm slacking. I just have stuff on and not really too personal in that sense. And not like I leave early when I have stuff to do. I stay on late when needed too. Maybe iI'm just being too sensitive but I just felt that bit of displeasure. And I'm a student, not paid, not bound by contract. I don't see why I can't be bit more slack than those who are paid for every minute they are there. I guess not being paid and yet I've to work that long makes me a grumpy person. Especially when my project doesn't need that long when there's lots of waiting time. ( ´△｀)
Okay finished ranting. Actually I dun mind doing all those things cause I've learnt a lot. Unfortunately, it'll be very hard for me to write all those things down. It's either being brief and talk bout many projects or in depth and juz one or at most two projects. So pardon my outburst especially since I've been worried bout my project with March coming near . When March arrives, I'm only left with one month and this is a new project so I dun any data to back up. And while I'm so worried, he's coming in late tomorrow and I can't cause he gave me a task to do and to top it up, asking me to do the catalogue! And I only left at freaking 745 cause he's doing prep work for tomorrow cause he's coming in late! Which means I could have gone home earlier if he's coming in on time. Super sianded. Luckily my sis is at home so she can eat with my father first. （｀Δ´）
K. Sleep. And tomorrow will be a better day. KTV =D
Perhaps my instinct were really right. In any case, I'm glad he's now willing to listen. Hopefully, things aren't too late to improve.
I shall place my faith in it.
I have always wanted recognition. That time, I was really hit badly till the point that I truly wondered if it was just an illusion that I have the talent. I'm glad I went for another workshop after that. It helped me to pick up some of my confidence. To be praised by a very experienced theatre practitioner, it totally made my days. Bit by bit, my confidence is definitely coming back. The desire to act is coming back. The pleasure of trying characters I imagined is coming back too. It is so much pleasure that I get all excited and couldn't didn't sleep earlier despite knowing I'll get all tired the next morning. I was avoiding such dreams-related shows 'cause I know I'll get all fired up after watching them, only to find that there's no outlet for it. But even the current situation is a challenge for me. And well, at least, I still have some interest in the subject =) I want to go for workshops >< A bit hard with my schedule now but I'll see how ^^ Still keeping a lookout for it.
待ってね。すぐに行くから。私もがんばってるから。
Ok, time to sleep. Have to wake up early later >< Nitez!
Anyway, I have a new love! ♥♥
Introducing 向井理(Mukai Osamu)!
I like him with specs too! Looks smart! （*´▽｀*）
Btw, the chop says "Aho", which equals to "baka". Apparently it's with relation to one of his previous drama.
I was watching some raw Japanese variety show after reading someone's translation of some parts. I could understand like hmmm 70% of what's going on? It helps that there was subtitles for most of what they said.
向井理 is so ♥
Heh.
I think he'll be one of those I'll be keeping on my list（⌒▽⌒）
I like to find out more about the characters of interested celebrities before adding them to my list. And... 向井理 is smart ok! Σ(゜ロ゜;)
He majored in genetic engineering and...
He won like the Best Poster Award of the International Society of Animal Genetics during his college period and he created a new gene! ∑(O_O；)
Essentially, he has the looks, the height and the brains. I like his deep voice also, heh. He started in the industry with zero background in acting but I think he acts well ^^
I think he's quite geek also. I mean, who calls their blog The Laboratory and isn't geekish!?
The only thing he can't do is sing. He is also known to be an avid chef. (OoO)
Ok, enough spazzing of 向井理, heh.
Change target: 2AM. =X Been listening to their Japanese single. Other than the song I previously posted, the other 2 songs are good too! Just that I realised the 2 songs that were translated from Korean, the Japanese lyrics are rather simple =X The third song is a cover of a Japanese song. They are not a ballad group for nothing. Maybe I can memorise the Japanese lyrics and sing the Korean minus one at KTV. (^_−)☆
Ok, back to reading to journal papers.
(； T.T))